With Thanksgiving around the corner, thoughts of giving and feeling thankful come to mind. Does giving engender an expansion of the heart, a feeling of thankfulness?  Does being thankful lead to good manners? Does practicing good manners lead to a feeling of thankfulness? Is there an overarching guide for "civilizing" our little ones and later on helping our teens draw upon their early training during their "break-away" years and their personal encounters with a sometimes rude world.

There are many "directives" on manners: use this fork, say please and thank you, open the door to show consideration, stand up for adults, shake hands, kiss the air by the cheek three times, etc.  Often it's helpful to know exactly what one should do in a specific situation. Yet it truly all comes down to the golden rule, "Do unto others as you would have done unto you."

This requires modeling the desired behavior by the parents!  Modeling the behavior you desire gets it in deeply because children respond positively to the clarity of practicing what you say.  I had a wonderful mother-in-law to whom I will always be thankful for modeling kindness and generosity. She would play with her grandbabies, getting right down with them and asking, "May I play with your blue car? Would you like a turn now? Let's trade. May I help you pick up?" In reality I believe she was modeling for all of us.  At one point we had a retired neighbor who would invite the children over to play board games. One time my youngest came home because he had upended the board game, but with ever so much patience on her part they learned the art of civility in game playing.

You know you are on the right track when you observe how children --preschool through teens-- interact well with their peers.  I recently visited my son and his wife in Florida. The way he treats her is absolutely precious and vice-versa. Those board game lessons paid off.  The answers to the questions are "YES!"

Parmalee

• Encourage children to write thank you notes. Model this by occasionally writing them little thank you notes.


• Be thankful yourself--out loud; you are their role model. Thank others on a regular basis (i.e. your spouse, your children, clerks, waitresses, etc.).


• At dinner, ask what each family member enjoyed most at school or work that day. Or ask each member to name someone who helped to make their day. Tell your children what and whom you are thankful for today (instead of how awful your day at work was).


• Talk about the needs of others and make a plan together to give others something for which to be thankful. Some suggestions include working in a soup kitchen, mentoring a child, helping at a shelter, inviting a neighbor to dinner --whatever works for you and your family.


• Make thankfulness a year-round activity. If thankful attitudes are practiced all year long, children will adopt those attitudes as a way of life.

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"Little Red Riding Hood" ~ A Mini Musical

Nov 20-Nov 21
Performances at 7pm. Friday and 2 and 7pm Saturday

ARIEL Theatrical is a nonprofit theatre arts program for children throughout Monterey County. ARIEL provides a comprehensive theatre experience that imparts the joys of learning and performing while teaching positive values and enhancing personal self-esteem.

From auditions to the closing night, ARIEL productions provide a safe haven where children can learn positive values that they will carry with them for a lifetime.

ARIEL's Wilson Children's Theate, 320 Main St, Salinas 831-775-0976

• How soon should I respond to an invitation? Always (historically speaking) respond to an invitation within a week of receiving it. Nowadays we certainly should respond no later than the due date stated on the invitation or reply card.


• After accepting an invitation, what if something comes up at the last minute and I can't attend?
  Never be a no-show. Rather, call-even at the last minute-and leave a message on voicemail. This certainly is better than being a total no-show. Then call the next day to speak with the host directly, and even in some cases send a personal note, expressing your regret and apology-as appropriate-for not attending.


• What if I know I did not respond to an invitation but realize I want to attend at the last minute?
  Never show up to a party or event unannounced. At the point you know you can attend, do call the host saying, "I know I didn't respond by the due date. I wasn't sure until now I could attend. By chance is there still space available?" This way the host is free to say, "come on," or to tell you they are at capacity and cannot accept your reservation. This avoids you wasting your time going to the event, be turned away, or appearing as though you were a party crasher.